Of losing 60kg and what it feels like.

Last Saturday I hit one of the goals I wanted to reach in my journey of losing weight - losing a whopping 60.4kg.

I literally lost a whole person in weight.
It feels weird

It is a huge accomplishment BUT I am still “fat”. If people see me outside without knowing me and what I have done in the last one year, they will definitely judge me for being just a fat, lazy guy who is just not doing anything to look smaller (I mean what is REALLY small in society’s eyes eh?)

But yes, I have officially lost 60.4kg.
Not an easy feat but I have done it.

There is still a lot of weight to say goodbye to and it will take maybe another year or two to reach that ideal weight that works with my height. There is no rush, in a way, but I want to keep consistently saying my “bubye” to this weight. What I carried and still carry is not just physical masses of stored fat but also years of childhood, teenagehood and adulthood trauma and struggles that I had experienced and carried with me throughout. Every gram that I lose is me saying goodbye to that part of me that I no longer need and to make amends with what’s left in that space now.

I’ve struggled with my weight all my life, literally.

As baby,

As a child,

As a teenager,

and as an adult.

If my ears could produce gold for every time someone said I am fat or other derogatories, I would be filthy rich I tell you.

Alas, I survive and continue to survive.

While the infamous “lazy-way-out” GLP-1 medication has assisted my weight loss, I am the one who put in the work. Damn hard work. Listening to my body cues, relearning to eat, relearning when to stop eating, working through all the nausea and gastro side effects and working out. It is not an easy way or the lazy way those naysayers are saying on the cesspool of the internet. It is freaking hard work. I am not letting anyone tell me or others who are on the GLP-1 medication lazy. NO.

What does it feel like to lose 60kg?

I can do my Asian squat again, easily. Oh yes, I have reclaimed my Asian-ness by being able to squat again. So next time I need to use a squat toilet in Asia, I should be a natural again.

My pants are dropping. I need new pants but am against buying any new ones now as I anticipate to lose more significant weight, so I will wait a bit more and just keep tightening the drawstring and belt tighter. My new worry nowadays is that I might give the public or my personal trainer a “free show” in case my pants drop accidentally.

Besides the obvious physical changes, I feel better physically. I still struggle mentally. That’s why I think the vanity part of losing weight is just part of it, I still need to heal what I cannot weigh. The soul, the spirit and the mind need its own “weightloss” if I may. That comes with the territory I guess. With time and compassion for myself, I am sure I will work it all out. One day at a time eh?

That being said, this is My Love Letter to You and Me:

“Do it at your pace, do it at your own time. Don’t let society or other people dictate what matters to you. Do what matters for you because you matter the most.”

I hope my story resonates one way or another.

I’ll write to you again later.

Till then, take care.

Love,
Rayyan